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How to Fall in Love with Ms or Mr. Right

Good news: You can upgrade your love template

People seem friendlier. Colors are brighter. Food tastes better. The world is transformed with shimmering newness.
    What causes the rush of good feeling we call romantic love?
    Scientists have learned that lovers are literally high on drugs. Natural hormones and chemicals flood their bodies with a sense of well-being, as the brain releases neurotransmitters dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin as well as endorphins and enkephalins. These produce a rosy outlook, rapid pulse, increased energy and a sense of security and comfort. But researchers can’t explain what causes the release of these potent chemicals or what causes them to diminish.
    In your lifetime you have met thousands of people. Perhaps 50 to 100 of these matched up to what you were looking for. Logically, you should have fallen in love with scores of people. Yet most people have been deeply attracted to only a few. In fact, when I counsel single people, I hear again and again There just aren’t any good men/women out there.
    The curious fact is that the few people we are attracted to tend to resemble one another quite closely. Think about the people you have seriously considered or chosen as mates. If you list their predominant personality traits, you will find a lot of similarities.
    The subconscious mind plays a big role in whom we choose. From birth to age five, your subconscious mind puts together a powerful composite picture of the people who’ve influenced you the most. Your brain recorded the way they smiled, the way they moved their body, their talents and interests and moods. Your brain didn’t interpret this information; it just etched it onto a template.
    To a large degree, whether or not you have been romantically attracted to someone depends on the degree that the person matched the template. If there was little correlation, they became one of the thousands who come and go in your life; there was just no attraction even though they seemed perfect. If there was a close match, you felt a sudden surge of interest.
    The good news is that you can upgrade the template in your subconscious mind and program it to attract the partner that you want in your life. The way to start is to make your personal compatibility list. Describe in detail what you want in a partner. Be specific. Remember the qualities that were missing from past relationships and which caused conflicts or problems. Be sure to include—
    • Basic information (age, appearance)
    • Personal interests (hiking, art, travel)
    • Philosophy and moral attitudes
    • Education
    • Social style (introverted, outgoing, family-oriented, wild)
    • Spiritual and religious interests
    • Professional and financial goals
    • Lifestyle and tastes in entertainment, clothes, healthy living choices (exercise, diet, smoking, drinking, drugs)
    Use your list to evaluate a potential partner. Evaluate yourself in the same way, and use your list to become the kind of person that you want to attract in your life. Your subconscious mind then will be magnetized to that special someone because they match the new template.
    If you are in a relationship that is working, use your compatibility list to identify problems as well as to remind yourself to appreciate your partner. If you are deciding whether or not to end a relationship, your list can help you understand what is and isn’t working. If you are looking for a new relationship, your list can remind you of what you want in a partner and keep you on track as you seek that special person.
    Stand back and watch the endorphins flow.

Dr. Darlene Treese — internationally acknowledged for her positive action and solution-based therapies — has been in private practice since 1983 in hypnosis and counseling. She is always available to help you get a grip on life, health and happiness: 480-296-3358 or [email protected] (click on Contact Us) for an office visit, email or telephone consultation.