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Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a terrible movie!

After saving Metropolis from the evil General Zod, Superman (Henry Cavill: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.) is a controversial figure. Is he a savior come from the sky to rescue humanity or a terrifying alien who destroyed the better part of a city without consequences?
    Among those fearing Superman is Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck: Gone Girl), whose years of fighting the worst of Gotham’s criminals have left him wary of all-powerful forces. He determines to kill the Man of Steel with kryptonite.
    As a showdown looms, Gotham and Metropolis wonder what will survive this epic confrontation.
    Depressing, ludicrous and often incomprehensible, Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice is a film made for no one. On the one hand, it’s not graphic or deep enough for gritty comic fans. On the other, it’s likely to frighten and bore young fans eager for superheroes. Director Zack Snyder (Man of Steel) has managed to create a film so terrible, so unremittingly long and so incoherent that it almost defies belief.
    In the past, Snyder has been a capable visual director. Here, he can neither set a scene or tell a cohesive story. Characters are poor archetypes, with heroes as unlikeable as villains. Both Superman and Batman are written to be pompous jerks who believe they know what’s best for humanity and are annoyed at questions.
    As Superman, Cavill reprises his role as the most boring alien ever. His Man of Steel is a vapid character who grimaces through his scenes.
    Affleck is a capable Batman. But Snyder has made a dark and unrelentingly evil character who freely murders bad guys and spends most of the movie plotting to kill.
    The supposed villain, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg: American Ultra) is given a back story so ridiculous that it almost doesn’t matter that his character has no reason to be meddling in the affairs of Batman and Superman. A mass of quirks and odd dialog, he fails to be menacing in the slightest. Eisenberg’s interpretation of a hipster Lex Luthor may be the single worst point in this dismal film.
    The final action sequence is a cacophony of odd angles and edits, making it nearly impossible for anyone who’s stayed awake to distinguish what’s going on.
    The true tragedy here is that Warner Brothers has green-lighted a litany of sequels based on two horrible films. We’re in for years of bad blockbusters.

Dreadful Action • PG-13 • 151 mins.