view counter

Movie Reviews

Kids do the darndest things, like stab people with lefty scissors

Two troubled 12-year-olds find that their broken pieces fit perfectly in this latest Wes Anderson (The Fantastic Mr. Fox) fantasy.     Sam (newcomer Jared Gilman) is an orphan with emotional issues and excellent scouting skills. Suzy Bishop (newcomer Kara Hayward) is a quiet girl prone to violent outbursts, observing the world through the detaching lens of binoculars and wearing too much eye makeup.     Meeting on a small New England island, they discover they are soul mates, or whatever the 12-year-old equivalent is.

Sometimes, you might not want all the answers

If you could ask our creator one question, what would it be? Why do bad things happen to good people? What’s the meaning of it all? Why does Adam Sandler continue to get his movies green-lighted?     This thought exercise makes one big assumption: there will be answers.     In Prometheus, director Ridley Scott (Robin Hood) takes on the question of our origins —at least our origins in the Alien mythos.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I prefer the wicked queen after all

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom there lived a beautiful princess. Young Snow White (Raffey Cassidy: Dark Shadows) was so good, innocent and pure that the townspeople loved her even though she wasn’t very interesting. Luckily, wicked queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron: Young Adult) showed up to seduce the king and lock the boring princess away in a tower.

Third time’s the charm for this space spoof

Men in Black agents J (Will Smith: Seven Pounds) and K (Tommy Lee Jones: Captain America) have worked together for over a decade managing Earth’s alien population. This hasn’t made them close, as K won’t share his life story with his more effusive partner.

Nice guys get a pass

In the small town of Carthage, Texas, the most popular guy in town is the man who puts you to rest. Mortician’s assistant Bernie Tiede (Jack Black: Kung Fu Panda 2) sings in the church choir, gives care packages to new widows and delivers inspirational speeches to Little League teams. So it’s understandable that the town forgives Bernie his one, itty-bitty transgression: shooting a rich widow in the back and keeping her body in a freezer for nine months.

Remember: Running away to exotic lands fixes all your problems

When seven British retirees find that life didn’t work out the way they expected in stodgy England, they hightail it to India, where they assume they’ll live out their golden years in some Victorian-colonialist dream.     What they get is a decaying hotel, food that charges the digestive tract without mercy and a culture shock that there are, gasp, Indians living in India.

Don’t lead women on, or you’ll turn into a vampire

Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp: The Rum Diary) has two curses in his life: He’s irresistible to women, and he’s a vampire. One might seem more serious than the other, but his callous treatment of chambermaid/witch Angelique (Eva Green: Camelot) is the cause of his undead undoing.

When in doubt, Hulk Smash!

Banished from Asgard by brother Thor, Loki (Tom Hiddleston: The Deep Blue Sea) is a god without subjects. So he takes a page from his brother’s book, traveling to Earth. Sadly, Loki is no God of Thunder. So instead of romancing winsome astrophysicists, the God of Mischief makes a deal with an alien nation to subjugate humanity.     All Loki has to do is steal a mysterious energy source held by the government and trade it for an alien army.

Yo-ho! Yo-ho! A claymation life for me!

The pirate captain (Hugh Grant: Did You Hear About the Morgans?) is having a bad year. As the Pirate of the Year competition looms large, the good captain has little to show for his pillaging. Other pirates like Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek: Puss in Boots), Peg Leg Hastings (Lenny Henry: Tinga Tinga Tales) and Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven: Entourage) boast rare jewels and mountains of gold.

Nature is cute, if you live in a Disney documentary

Oscar is a baby chimpanzee, living a blissful life in the jungles of Uganda. His mom dotes on him. He romps with other baby chimps during upbeat musical sequences.     But in the distance the evil Scar and his hoard of chimp raiders threaten Oscar’s idyllic life.     If it sounds like a Disney movie, it is.