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Movie Reviews

Neither scary nor inventive, this horror should have stayed buried

Deep below the streets of Paris is a city of bones. Most of the catacombs are well mapped out tourist spots, but a secret section of the tunnels obsesses alchemist professor Dr. Scarlett Marlowe (Perdita Weeks: The Invisible Woman). She believes these tombs house Nicolas Flamel’s famed philosopher’s stone, which holds the key to knowledge and immortality.

See this flick and you might wish you were dead

In the bowels of Basin City, there are no happy endings. So don’t look for any in these four stories of sex, death and violence.     Barfly thug Marv (Mickey Rourke: Java Heat) hasn’t made a man bleed in days. It’s starting to get to him. As his impulse toward violence grows, he seeks an outlet to vent his rage.

Grandpa, tell me about the good old days

    In the bygone era of 1980s’ movies, a hero’s worth was determined by the circumference of his biceps, the length of his cigars and the heft of his gun. It was a simple time of bloody shootouts, car chases and cheesy lines.

An Indian family spices up French haute cuisine

     Kadam family life is built around food. In India, young Hassan learns how to taste and create unique flavors from his mother, an intuitive cook. When a riot leads to her death and the destruction of their restaurant, the family decides to try their luck in Europe.

How many losers does it take to save the universe?

The night Peter Quill’s mother died, he was abducted by aliens. Twenty years later, Peter (Chris Pratt: The LEGO Movie) remembers Earth by a troll doll and his mother’s Walkman. He travels the galaxy scavenging rare treasures from abandoned planets, listening to a mix tape of his mother’s favorite tunes.

The everyday banalities of saving the world

     Günter Bachmann (Philip Seymour Hoffman: Catching Fire) isn’t a man who stands out in a crowd. His shoulders hunch, pulling awkwardly at his ill-fitting jacket. His softening middle hangs over his pants, the product of poor diet and long days at a desk. His weary, weathered face reveals bright blue eyes often peering over the rim of a whiskey glass.

Is privacy possible in the Facebook Age?

     Jay (Jason Segel: How I Met Your Mother) and Annie (Cameron Diaz: The Other Woman) were insatiable. Their voracious sex life led to an unplanned pregnancy and marriage. Over a decade later, Jay and Annie still love each other, and they are flourishing professionally and personally, but their sex life has gone belly-up. Though both miss the intimacy, they can’t seem to find time for each other.

Apes are as violent and stupid as humans in this sci-fi sequel

     It’s been a decade since chimpanzee Caesar (Andy Serkis: The Hobbit) freed the apes of San Francisco to seek sanctuary in the redwood forests across the bridge. Thanks to the animal testing Caesar and his crew endured, these apes are hyper-intelligent. They have hunting parties, schools for their young and their own form of Hammurabi’s code carved into their simian city. Their society prospers under the leadership of Caesar and his lieutenant Koba (Toby Kebbell: The Counselor).

Apes are as violent and stupid as humans in this sci-fi sequel

     It’s been a decade since chimpanzee Caesar (Andy Serkis: The Hobbit) freed the apes of San Francisco to seek sanctuary in the redwood forests across the bridge. Thanks to the animal testing Caesar and his crew endured, these apes are hyper-intelligent. They have hunting parties, schools for their young and their own form of Hammurabi’s code carved into their simian city. Their society prospers under the leadership of Caesar and his lieutenant Koba (Toby Kebbell: The Counselor).

Civilization’s going off the rails on this train
 

     When global warming can no longer be ignored, world governments gamble on an experimental coolant. Humanity waits for a cooldown after a chemical called CW-7 is released into the skies above every country on earth.     Instead of temperate weather, CW-7 kicks off the next ice age, making life on earth impossible. The only survivors of the man-made extinction are the residents of Snowpiercer, a colossal train with a perpetual motion engine that rockets around the globe on a set of frozen, rickety tracks.