Vol. 8, No. 23
June 8-14, 2000
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Ten Ways to Survive the Chesapeake Monsoons

10. Call your honey and say: ‘How ‘bout gettin’ together tonight?” Then uncork a bottle of oaky Chardonnay and scrape a little mildew off each other.

9. Tear up tickets to remaining outdoor concerts and summer garden theater.

8. Hold your own music fest, indoors of course. Play versions of “The Sky Is Crying” by Elmore James and Stevie Ray Vaughn; “Umbrellas,” by jazz group Weather Report; U2’s “Walk to the Water.” Put on anything by Muddy Waters. Prohibit singing of “Oh How I Wish That it Would Rain.”

7. Splurge; buy your dog a poncho.

6. Redesign your garden. Uproot tomatoes and peppers; convert everything to rice paddies. Haul in water lilies, goldfish.

5. Redesign your home. Paint the walls pea green. Buy lime green drapes and olive leather couches. All better to accentuate the mold. Shop for new carpets in natural hues of Maryland mud.

4. Sell risky Internet stocks. Invest in yellow rain slicker futures.

3. Invite ducks living in your yard inside for quackers and cheese.

2. For your patio, why not add a diving board and a few inner tubes?

1. If seeking a mate, look for character, personality, values, earning power and webbed feet.

Copyright 2000
Bay Weekly