Vol. 10, No. 47

November 21-27, 2002

Current Issue

Who Knows What’s Out There?

Dock of the Bay
Letters to the Editor
Burton on the Bay
Chesapeake Outdoors
Not Just for Kids
Bay Life
Music Scene
Eight Days a Week
What's Playing Where
Curtain Call
Music Notes
Sky Watch
Bay Classifieds
Behind Bay Weekly
Advertising Info
Distribution spots
Contact us

Ten Reasons Why Those Loser Democrats Can Still Celebrate Thanksgiving

10. With departure of Lt. Gov. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend from the scene, an obviously debilitating strain of AGPS (Al Gore Paralytic Stiffoid) disease may be exorcised from party politics.

9. A Republican governor — not a Democrat — gets to wrap tourniquets around the state budget and say “I don’t think so” to all those lobbyists in Annapolis with their hands out.

8. Democratic bosses in the General Assembly and their well-heeled pals get to divvy up the chips when Gov. Ehrlich ushers Big Gambling into town.

7. The party still has gray eminence of Maryland politics in Comptroller William Donald Schaefer, who turns 107 next birthday.

6. Democrats finally get to cancel that tiresome “Family Feud” show featuring grumpy old Schaefer versus prickly Parris Glendening.

5. Party can now eagerly await 2004 presidential election and Al Gore (hee-hee-hee-hee.)

4. In Baltimore Mayor (and recent Esquire cover boy) Martin O’Malley, Democrats have a rising star who can sing Irish songs. Problem is, the Irish are voting Republican these days.

3. Democrats still outnumber Republicans 2-1 in voter registration — despite the fact that many people thought they were registering for a trip to Bermuda.

2. Gov. Ehrlich is bringing back the death penalty just in time for kangaroo court trial of Townsend campaign “strategists.”

1. Next time Democrats see Parris Glendening, it could be standing at a chalkboard teaching Poly-Sci 101 at a backwater community college.

Copyright 2002
Bay Weekly