| ...You’ve Moved from Chesapeake Country to the Amazon Rain Forest
10. You won $12 in the office pool when you came within three minutes of guessing the exact time of the daily cloudburst.
9. Before leaving for work each day, you put on your jungle khakis, unsheathe your machete and slash your way to your automobile through all the new weeds and strange vegetation that popped up since last night.
8. On Tuesday, your Oriental rug began to move. Then someone yelled “slugs!”
7. Your neighbor came home from the showroom with her new pride and joy, a 2001 Plymouth Canoe.
6. After four months, you found out that your new poodle is a hairy spider named Steve.
5. You thought your goofy Irish neighbor was still celebrating St. Patrick’s Day until you happened to get a closer look at his beard.
4. That family of ducks has moved from the yard to the patio to the family room, where they spend much of the day watching Water World on the VCR.
3. Your kid’s new $60 sneakers started fitting a tad snugly, and when you slid down his damp socks you were shocked to discover that you are the parent of a seemingly healthy child with webbed feet.
2. All the guys in Southern Maryland now have hair like our curly-locked Senate President, Mike Miller.
1. When people ask: ‘“What are you going to do?” your first response is: “Fight mildew!”
Copyright 2000
Bay Weekly
|
