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Maryland’s Official State Titles Take the CakeWhy stop now?by Pat PiperCritics, lots of critics, are in a tizzy about making the Smith Island Cake the state dessert of Maryland. They’ve used the word frivolous in making their point. They argue that any time spent on a whackadoodle idea like whether or not a 10-layer cake made on an island deserves recognition as the official dessert of the state is wasted. Too many of these lawmaking critics have managed to position themselves in front of mundane stuff like legalizing slots, improving roads or reforming the state property tax. They are, of course, absolutely right. But that has nothing to do with the topic. Slots can wait a while. Besides, if it’s nuts to contemplate a cake, then it’s just as nuts to have already spent time on the other 21 state whatever-you-want-to-call-its: The Baltimore oriole is the state bird, and jousting is the state sport (yeah, I wondered about that one, too). The blue crab is the state crustacean, and the black-eyed Susan the state flower. During all of those discussions and arguments and votes, roads and property tax were also somewhere in the legislative docket. And they were ignored. The vote in the state Senate had one guy from Frederick County voting no because he had to vote that way: Frederick County produces lots of apples so he wanted apple pie to be the state dessert. I’d like to try and start something here. Since there is no state fruit, the apple could probably get the designation with little debate, although Illinois and Michigan also have apples as their state fruits. Still, we could probably waste the required amount of time on this to make it fall into the frivolous category. Which has me thinking … Can Maryland have frivolous as the Official State Time? The yellow light could be the Official State Ignore. The words What! Are You Crazy? as the Official State Retort. The Official State Insult should be You’re a Moron. The Official State Ice Breaker: If we haven’t designated the USS Edisto, which cleared ice in the Chesapeake Bay in the 1940s, then how about Hi, could I buy you a Natty Boh? The Official State Study: Putting Asian oysters in the Chesapeake has been going on for almost a decade, so this has got to be the one. The Official State Highway: The Intercounty Connector, which is going to run between Rockville and Laurel, a distance of 24.2 miles right now. Speaking of right now the price tag is more than $2.2 billion — although if the Department of Transportation wants to do another study, this baby will knock out the Asian oyster with room to spare. The Official State Excuse: I have no time. When added to frivolous, the Official Time, we could have something very powerful and meaningless happening at the same time. The Official State Traffic Jam: St Barnabas Road to the Wilson Bridge at 7:45am any weekday and Highway 50 at the Bay Bridge Toll Plaza any Saturday morning in the summer. The Official State Table setting: brown paper, a mallet, crab knife with vinegar and Old Bay seasoning. The Official State Commentary: Bay Weekly’s Reflection. Pat Piper is usually found in Annapolis knocking on doors at the State House. You can blame him for nothing getting done this legislative session. |
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Volume 16, Issue 15 - April 10 - April 16, 2008