Our Block Party’s Good Deed

Every day is April Fools’ in this neighborhood

My job was to replace the damaged oven outlet. Unfortunately, I drilled too deep, hitting the 220-volt wire that ran to the plug and sending my cordless drill’s battery clear across the kitchen.

by Allen Delaney

Dear Block Party Members:

As many of you know, some — actually all — of our annual Block Parties have not gone exceedingly well. Due to the economy and our previous experiences, we voted to forego our traditional community party and instead hosted a work party. We decided to help out Ida Mae Finley, whose house, where she’s lived for the past 54 years, needed some repairs.

At first, Ida Mae (now 73), was not keen on the idea. “Any group of morons capable of igniting a lake is not welcome anywhere near my home!” she said. However, we otherwise convinced Ida Mae’s daughter, Thelma Lou, and on the pre-arranged day, she took her mother shopping. We attacked the house shortly before 9am.

Things went downhill quickly.

Mike ‘the Mountain’ Morris was re-shingling the roof when Petey Barnes borrowed the ladder, unaware that Mike was on top of the house. When Mike hit, and went through the back deck, Petey turned to see what the commotion was, thus slamming the end of the ladder through Ida Mae’s picture window. Thankfully, Mike emerged more intact than the deck. Mike 1, Deck 0.

Meanwhile, some of the wives were having a debate over what color to paint the dining room. Three of them thought that it should be periwinkle, while the other four argued for rose. As many of you know, especially those who are still digging paint out of your ears, the debate turned into a downright quarrel, with both colors being disbursed with uninhibited vigor.

My job was to replace the damaged oven outlet in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I drilled a bit too deep into the wall, hitting the 220-volt wire that ran to the plug. That mishap sent my cordless drill’s battery clear across the kitchen into the living room and through Ida Mae’s curio cabinet. Fortunately, the only things that broke, other than the glass cabinet front, were some old blue glassware that Ida Mae’s mother had saved from the Great Depression. The upside was that since the house was now without power, Ida Mae’s oven wouldn’t work anyway.

With the paint fight in full force, (and I want to add that you guys making bets on who would win, that was not helpful) Ida Mae returned home. I assure you I’m not one to flee in the face of danger, but honestly, I had just remembered that I left a roast in the oven and I had to get home. And lock the doors.

I heard through the grapevine that Ida Mae grabbed a broken board from her deck and went after the remaining team members. Evidently Jim Renders, in a state of panic, ran over Ms. Finley’s picket fence in his haste to vacate her property.

I’ve since spoken to Ida Mae, and she wants to thank everyone who gave their time. It turns out that she called her insurance agent and told him that a group of morons had ransacked her home. Her agent said that in his 27 years in the business, this was the worst case of vandalism he’s ever seen. As you probably know, the check she received was more than enough to fully restore her house. Her home is now the showcase of the neighborhood. She also mentioned that if any of us sets foot on her property again, she’ll shoot us.

Let’s hope economic times are better next year so we can get back to our traditional party. Then again, perhaps not.

Until next year,

Sincerely,

Allen Delaney,
Block Party Captain.

Comments