Moviegoer: Marry Me

Jennifer Lopez says ‘I do’ to another mediocre rom-com

By Diana Beechener

Superstar singer Kat Valdez (Jennifer Lopez: Hustlers) has been unlucky in love. She’s been married a handful of times, has the paparazzi stalking her every move, and feels constant pressure to live up to the sky-high expectations of her fans. This time, she’s going to get it right. She’s engaged to hot up-and-coming music star Bastian (Maluma: Encanto), their single “Marry Me” is burning up the charts, and plans on saying her vows to him mid-concert in a global celebration of love.

Which is why it’s rather unfortunate when she discovers Bastian is cheating on her mere seconds before she’s to say I do.

Trying to stave off humiliation, Kat takes control. She dumps Maluma on the spot and proposes to a man who’s holding a sign reading Marry Me. The guy is a very bewildered Charlie (Owen Wilson: The French Dispatch), a math teacher who’s only at the concert to win some cool points from his daughter. Still, when Kat Valdez asks if you marry her, you say yes. What’s the worst that could happen?

The stunt causes a media firestorm. Kat and Charlie make a deal to let the marriage stand for a few months—just long enough that it won’t be yet another romantic humiliation for Kat. But as the days tick by, the publicity meetings become friendlier and the two develop a genuine rapport with each other. Can these two find love in improbable circumstances?

Stop right here. I want you to close your eyes and think of what’s going to happen. If you’ve ever seen a movie before, congratulations, you’re right! Marry Me is the same rom-com that Lopez has starred in since the early 2000s. And while she’s certainly grown as an actress in 20 years, the writing for these flicks hasn’t matured at all. It’s a shame, because the set up for this film could have had real fun with how similar it is to Lopez’s life.

Director Kat Coira (Happy Accident) comes close, but shies away from doing anything too interesting. The idea of the crushing paparazzi attention is brought up, but the photographers are nowhere to be seen when it isn’t convenient to the story. The movie mentions how media at large treats women, but it’s barely three lines. Charlie is concerned what media attention will do to his relationship with his daughter, which is charming—but his daughter disappears from the story until the movie needs her to make a plot point. The whole plot is so scattershot and quick it’s like hearing a friend describe a rom-com to you instead of sitting through one. Even the new music from JLo isn’t memorable or fun. The whole film feels like an afterthought.

As she’s no stranger to the rom-com genre, Lopez gets through this movie with at least her dignity. She’s beautiful, charming, and lighthearted. But her emotional immaturity is never really addressed or looked at. She spends the movie acting like an upset teen, when it would have been more interesting to look at how an older woman (who still looks like a supermodel at 50) is forced to behave like a kid so she can stay in the industry. But poor Lopez isn’t asked to do anything interesting, so instead she smiles and waits for the movie to end.

Wilson does his best to make Charlie a grumpy curmudgeon, but it’s rather baffling. He could refuse to go along with the publicity circus. He could ask his daughter if she’s ok with paparazzi hounding them. But instead, he just complains and acts like hanging out with Jennifer Lopez is a grave imposition.

And that’s the basic problem with Marry Me. Most rom-coms are predictable, but if the chemistry between the stars is right, it doesn’t matter. While Wilson and Lopez are quite fun together as friends, their romantic chemistry is tepid. The film starts to drag when it expects us to believe that a few awkward kisses are a love for the ages.

Still, even reviewers can get things wrong. And my movie-going partner, who happened to be my mom, told me I was still bitter from last week’s cinematic catastrophe and being too harsh. So, if you enjoy a rom-com that isn’t interested in breaking the mold, are a Jennifer Lopez completist, or your name is Linda—this movie might be a fun watch. As for me, I appreciate that this is the type of movie you watch in your living room, with snacks and friends to laugh with. If you have that set up, say yes to Marry Me.

Marry Me is available in theaters and streaming on Peacock.

Fair Rom-com * PG-13 * 112 mins.