Vol. 9, No. 4
Jan. 25-31, 2001
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Ten People to Ban From Your Super Bowl Party. And Why.

10. Gov. Parris Glendening. Who wants to talk about Smart Growth at a time like this? Besides, he might show up with an uninvited guest.

9. Anne Arundel County Executive Janet Owens. She's a fun-lover, but she'd probably insist on bringing a Safeway party tray.

8. Senate President Mike Miller. Great in a crowded room, but he might try to name your house after him and the new Senate Building in Annapolis. And without moving, your new address might be Miller Road.

7. John Ashcroft. Bush's right-wing nominee for attorney general doesn't drink, smoke or dance because his religion forbids it, so he really wouldn't fit in when things really started jumpin' later in the evening. Besides, he'd probably wear a Bob Jones University letter sweater and bring along Jerry Falwell.

6. Dick Cheney. Seems like a pleasant fellow, but it would be a real downer if he suffered the Big One during a Raven's punt return.

5. Al Gore. Who?

4. President George W. Bush. A sports fan, but you need people capable of carrying on intelligent conversations during breaks in the action.

3. Bill Clinton. Nah. He's busy looking for work. Your female guests might not be safe. And he's got his own crowd to party with after those 176 pardons he handed out in the last hours of his presidency.

2. Anybody from California. They might bring along their energy crisis, and just when things got exciting, everything would go black.

1. Us. We at Bay Weekly are no fun whatsover. Shortly after we attacked the food table, we'd whip out our lap-tops and begin making paragraphs for next week's paper.

Copyright 2001
Bay Weekly