Volume 13, Issue 3 ~ January 20 -26, 2005
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No Reason Not To Be Freezin'

10 Lame Excuses For Skipping the Polar Plunge

Some 2,500 warm-blooded souls – including some from Bay Weekly — say they plan to leap into Chesapeake Bay at Sandy Point State Park on Saturday, January 29, in an annual rite of winter to raise money for Maryland's Special Olympics. In eight years, we've heard many reasons for skipping the dip.

This year, we wouldn't be surprised to hear these excuses:

10. Haven't watched my weight or been to the gym since Thanksgiving; my rear end has swelled up to the size of Crofton.

9. Saw those stories about sharp-shooters ‘thinning' deer herd at Sandy Point State Park, and I worry about their aim.

8. Thought Gov. Robert Ehrlich (who plans to plunge) already had auctioned off Maryland's state parks on eBay in his crusade to get rid of Maryland's surplus properties.

7. Flunked geography; thought Polar Plunge always occurs at North Pole.

6. Haven't shaved legs; worry about being mistaken for black bear. (Also, see No. 9.)

5. Caught Do-Nothing Disease from Baltimore Orioles at FanFest 2005; can't get my act together.

4. Who are you calling a penguin? I'm dressed for the Inaugural Ball.

3. Gov. Ehrlich says if I get sick, I'll have to go see my lawyer because my doctor skipped town to avoid paying malpractice insurance.

2. I worry that if I take off my pants, I could be jumped by anti-gay marriage agents arriving in Annapolis for General Assembly ruckus.

1. Every time I go to www.somd.org to sign up, my computer shivers and crashes.

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